It's funny how sometimes the person you are or becoming is the person you think you want to be, until you read something that hit's you hard. I've been reading the book called crazy love and it's been a book of reflection, let me tell you. Most of my life I've been this person I wasn't always happy with and since I have been a Christian I felt that the old me was behind me. Well think again, after reading this book I realized I was only a few baby steps away from being the old me. Every chapter I kept realizing WOW! What have I changed except for some stuff you change anyway as you become a parent and with age I guess lol. God has blessed my life soooooo much and what have I really given him in return??? After reading Chan's book nothing I guess :( The very last chapter says in the end hurry up close this book get on your knees and pray and in chapters before he tell's us that the way we should be praying is with the whole glorious image of God in our minds like we find in John or Revelations. He also says to not just jump right into your want's either to just give glory to God. So I put the book down and what do I do I start listing my want's, don't get me wrong there not things like a car or money. I ask for healing and guidance, but I stopped myself in the middle of my prayer and I just asked God to forgive me for not giving him that glory for just being God and for blessing my life. I have to admit I laughed during that prayer at myself and about how I am just like a kid. I just read the chapter and just like a child I had already forgotten to be in that moment of glorifying God, the one thing in my life that has always been completely promising. I guess I can't get to mad at my kids now!! I keep asking God how long will it be before I am the person I long to be as a true lover of Christ? Why is it so hard to just wash away all the junk that corrodes my life. Is it just me or doe's anybody else just want to kick themselves in the behind when you've done something for the hundredth time?? I stop myself dead in my tracks sometimes and just want to slap myself. Then I get mad and tell the enemy nope I'm not going to finish or that I am acknowledging the sin right there in that moment and fessing up to my inconsistency. I do love the book though it's a book I shall read over and over because it's a book to help remind me of the person I strive and long to be. The Lord truly reaches through the pages and pull's on you.
No comments:
Post a Comment